Seizures and Return to Meghan Normal…

SEIZURES AND A RETURN TO “MEGHAN NORMAL”…

Individuals choose to write a blog for so, so many reasons.  Obviously as a means for self-expression, but for other motivations.  Some choose to write about their passions in religion, politics or beliefs.  Others may  write about a special occasion be it a birth, or marriage, a Holy Communion, Bar Mitzvah or other religious rites of passage.  I have considered a blog many times but wondered if maybe it was too self-absorbed…about me, me, me?  As time passes, I recognize I need an outlet, a way to express my feelings…be it positive, negative, angry, joy, or sadness.  I need for others to experience first-hand what it feels to be a part of Meghan’s life.

Today has been a difficult day….less than some but worse than others.  I was reminded recently that I have it better than some.  That is true, but does it hurt any less?  It is relative, isn’t it?  Does it hurt anyone less that they have lost this great standard of living and must watch their pennies?  I think not…OUR PAIN IS RELATIVE.

Meghan is  having a restful day and we haven’t had a seizure in four days.  Excellent~!!!  At 5 pm, as Meghan stood up from her couch, she came crashing forward to the floor,  hitting a trash can, desk chair, and a basket of books.  Another drop seizure.  She was discombobulated and speaking nonsense.  After her seizure, I drag her to the wall so she can sit up.  I wait for her to find the strength to assist her to the couch.  I change her panties and pants which she had soiled when she had a seizure, and then was able to settle her  on the couch. I observed and talked with Meghan until I felt comfortable enough to leave the room.  I am preparing her second favorite dinner, Shrimp Scampi with pasta, cleaning the shrimp when I hear a crash in the living room.  I find Meghan between the couch and ottoman having another seizure.  She is more non-sensical than her first seizure.  It is frightening because I always think—what if she doesn’t return to Meghan?  As a parent of a child with disability, and seizures, you always wonder if the possibility of brain damage changes her…not my Meghan.  Please, God, no.

She doesn’t have the energy to move past the floor where she seized.  She is incoherent…babbling and I don’t understand a word she is saying. I leave her to lie on the floor while adjusting the pillows to keep her as up-right as possible…this helps the recovery process to Meghan Normal.  Today,  recovery isn’t normal recovery.  I gave her 5:30 meds after her first seizures…to prevent another seizure.  Unfortunately, whatever chemistry makes the treatment of individuals with Autism different….makes it different tonight.  Meghan continues to lie prone…shivering like a fish thrown on a pier.  I am trying to settle her down, to comfort her and make it right again.  She is talking but just jabbering….I have no idea what she is saying.  As I get her into a semi-upright position, she begins vomiting and I am catching it from her mouth to her blanket.  When she pauses to the point, I can run to her bedroom and get her “barf” bag,  I put it to her face while she continues to vomit.  It is everywhere: on her face, hair, her shirt, bra and her blankets.  When she settles down, we begin moving toward the couch so she can be comfortable and up-right.  Mission accomplished…at least halfway…she is leaning on the arm of the couch and begins vomiting again.  I begin to remove her vomit-soaked bra and put a t-shirt on.  Meghan is obsessive and must wear a bra…always.  I get her a bra and her t-shirt.  Meghan  begins to settle down although I still cannot understand what she is saying…gibberish.  I feel frustrated.  Her legs continue to shake uncontrollably.  It is 9:10 pm and Meghan is sleeping…   She doesn’t want water or fluid which is another challenge for more problems.